What to Expect from Couple’s Counseling

By Dr. Denise Humphrey

Many couples who are considering entering a counseling relationship with a professional feel intimidated by the unknown. What will be expected of me as an individual? Will the information that unfolds hurt rather than help my relationship? I don’t have any real issues, it’s my partner that has the problem! These are just a few of the questions and statements I hear from prospective patients.

What to Expect from Couple’s Counseling

1. Explore the problem. The first plan of action is to assess the overall problem. What is your impression of the reason you are seeking therapy. This may not be the same for both individuals in the relationship.
2. Explore feelings. The second plan of action is to explore each person’s feelings about the perceived problems. Most likely the feelings associated with the problems are in vast conflict. For example, one person may be having thoughts of divorce while the other is reeling with fears of abandonment.
3. Explore communication styles. Effective communication is one of, if not the most, important attributes of a functioning, rewarding and healthy relationship. The third plan of action is to evaluate previous and current styles of communication and explore alternative methods of communication that can improve each person’s ability to express him or her self as well as to receive information from the other partner.
4. Explore conflict resolution techniques. Understanding how to express and hear intimacy is only half the “battle.” Learning how to reach mutually agreed upon conclusions to conflict is a critical to the emotional health of each person in the relationship.
5. Explore psychological profile of each person. In order to gain a comprehensive understanding of the couple, the therapist will usually need to see each individual separately as well. Certain needs, feelings and fears are often only expressed within the privacy of a one-on-one consult with the therapist and individual. These one-on-ones can benefit the couple’s relationship as the therapist gains an understanding of who each person is as an individual within the relationship.
6. Explore family histories. Our family history is the curriculum from which we learn how to exist in relationships. Both individual’s family histories will be explored so that an understanding of what attributes of childhood are no longer of service to the adult person having adult experiences. Oftentimes, unhealthy belief systems are unconsciously at play in our lives and relationships. Bringing these to light is the first step in eliminating hurtful behavioral patterns.
7. Explore personality types. Gaining a basic understanding of each person’s unique personality provides a profound foundation from which to understand effective modes of communicating with one another.
8. Explore how, what and whom to forgive. Through therapy couples learn how to begin the process of forgiveness.

The role of the therapist is not to be the moral authority of either person in the relationship or of the relationship itself, but rather to provide a professionally guided process based on proven techniques to assist the couple in individual and collective recovery.

Denise Humphrey, Ph.D.

Schedule an appointment with Dr. Humphrey today! 972-239-2490

CREDENTIALS

• Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology:  Fielding Graduate University
• Master of Music in Piano Performance:  University of Notre Dame
• Bachelor of Music in Piano Performance:  Southern Methodist University
• License No. and State: 32345 Texas
• Board of Trustees, Dallas Foundation for Psychoanalysis
• Chair, Arts Committee for the Dallas Society for Psychoanalytic Psychology
• Member, National Register of Health Service Providers in Psychology

Top 3 Reasons Couples Seek Therapy

By Denise Humphrey, Ph.D.

In a perfect world, couples would seek therapy as a preventative measure rather than as a crisis management or “last ditch” effort. But the reality is that most people do not think their relationship would benefit from therapy until it is on the brink of falling completely apart. Through therapy, many couples find this “point of no return” to be one of the most sacred of crossroads because it serves to bring the couple back together.

1. Infidelity. Most of us know someone (possibly ourselves) who have been affected by the infidelity of a loved one. When one partner betrays the trust of the other by looking outside of the relationship, the foundation of trust is broken. Without professional guidance, the relationship may indeed come to an end. However, this does not have to be the case. A therapist can help each person understand the complexities of the relationship and the emotions at play between the partners. While infidelity may ultimately be the catalyst for separation, it may also be the catalyst for a deeper and more meaningful connection.
2. Substance Abuse. Substance abuse is often something that is recognized years into a relationship. As addiction takes a stronger hold over an individual, his or her behavior is more deeply effected. This can cause a hostile and possibly even dangerous environment. Intimate and casual communication can become fragmented, confusing and hurtful. Couples counseling can help the afflicted partner gain the resources and support necessary to get sober and in turn help both individuals navigate the difficult road to recovery from addiction while keeping their relationship in tact.
3. Finances. Economic hardship and differing values and belief systems surrounding money can cause great stress on a relationship. Counseling can help couples reach a compromise on financial matters that effect their relationship. Through counseling couples can develop a long term financial plan that is beneficial for both partners as well as for the very institution of their relationship.

Whether your relationship is being affected by one of these three stressors or you simply desire a deeper connection with your partner, consider the benefits a therapist can bring to the most important relationship in your life. You deserve to give and receive loving intimacy.

Denise Humphrey, Ph.D.

Schedule an appointment with Dr. Humphrey today! 972-239-2490

CREDENTIALS

• Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology:  Fielding Graduate University
• Master of Music in Piano Performance:  University of Notre Dame
• Bachelor of Music in Piano Performance:  Southern Methodist University
• License No. and State: 32345 Texas
• Board of Trustees, Dallas Foundation for Psychoanalysis
• Chair, Arts Committee for the Dallas Society for Psychoanalytic Psychology
• Member, National Register of Health Service Providers in Psychology

New Year, New Relationships

By Dr. Denise Humphrey

The New Year is always a time of reflection and fresh starts. While the holidays are meant to be times of family and togetherness, relationships that are struggling are often pushed to their limits during the holiday season. The New Year offers the opportunity to start anew.

Based on preconceived notions and possible stigmas associated with therapy, couples may shy away from initiating therapy thinking their problems are private and should be dealt with privately. Albert Einstein said, “We can’t solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them.” Therapy provides a safe, objective and contemplative space for couples to change their relationships by learning a new way of thinking about them.

Our intimate relationships are complex and multi-layered. The individuals within the couple relationship have years and years of experiences, emotions and thought patterns each brings to the relationship. In order to hear one another honestly, objectively and lovingly, each person must be willing to consider the sum of their experiences and evaluate how these experiences may be influencing and molding the current relationship and expectations from the relationship. Therapy provides the opportunity to do just that in a guided and objective format. Therapy is not about taking sides and finding blame, but rather about owning behaviors, assuming accountability and committing to exploring more productive methods of communicating and processing information.

Therapy requires courage. I invite you to explore the possibilities that lie within your current relationship this year. Give yourself the gift this year of a new relationship with your partner. Imagine the possibilities.

Denise Humphrey, Ph.D.

Schedule an appointment with Dr. Humphrey today! 972-239-2490

CREDENTIALS

• Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology:  Fielding Graduate University
• Master of Music in Piano Performance:  University of Notre Dame
• Bachelor of Music in Piano Performance:  Southern Methodist University
• License No. and State: 32345 Texas
• Board of Trustees, Dallas Foundation for Psychoanalysis
• Chair, Arts Committee for the Dallas Society for Psychoanalytic Psychology
• Member, National Register of Health Service Providers in Psychology