January 21
Understanding Abandonment
By Dr. Denise Humphrey, www.DeniseHumphrey.com
I have heard it said, “Your childhood is over, now get over it!” If only it were that easy. With few exceptions, parents make a genuine effort in parenting to the best of their ability utilizing their own knowledge, access to resources and personal experiences as guiding factors. Parents are unable to predict and often unable to understand how their own actions and reactions may affect the developing psyche of the child. The unconscious mind develops subtle mechanisms for coping and processing information that we then unconsciously base our actions on. These actions can sometimes serve us in making healthy and productive life choices, but they can also be of great disservice as well.
Many adults make choices — life-changing choices as well as small choices — everyday based on deeply rooted feelings of abandonment. Abandonment can be understood as “primal fear” or a “universal wound,” and can include a vast array of symptoms, including unworthiness, insecurity, shame, emotional hunger, feelings of annihilation, self-sabotage, chronic emptiness, and repeated feelings of trauma and many more. Without understanding the motivating factor behind these feelings (soothing the pain of abandonment), adults often engage in self-destructive behavior with the motivation of feeling better and easing pain and discomfort.
Many adults are not conscious of their feelings of abandonment. They may excuse their anxiety, depression and dependency on people, food, alcohol, sex, etc. simply as personality types. The goal in understanding individual feelings of abandonment is not to place blame on parents or influential people from our past, but rather to gain a deeper knowledge of self. With this self-knowledge, we are able to heal. By identifying motivating factors for behavior, we are able to begin to modify unhealthy behaviors and increase our opportunities for positive choices that are of service to our adult experiences.
Schedule an appointment with Dr. Humphrey today! 972-239-2490
CREDENTIALS
- Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology: Fielding Graduate University
- Master of Music in Piano Performance: University of Notre Dame
- Bachelor of Music in Piano Performance: Southern Methodist University
- License No. and State: 32345 Texas
- Board of Trustees, Dallas Foundation for Psychoanalysis
- Chair, Arts Committee for the Dallas Society for Psychoanalytic Psychology
- Member, National Register of Health Service Providers in Psychology
