Living with a Gay Spouse

By Denise Humphrey, Ph.D., www.DeniseHumphrey.com

Honesty, emotional intimacy and love are all essential components to a healthy marriage. When one spouse in a marriage “comes out of the closet,” these three essential components can be seriously tested for both spouses. However, some couples do manage to navigate the emotional and logistical sensitivities of living in a mixed orientation marriage — marriages comprised of a gay, lesbian or bisexual spouse and a straight spouse. According to the Straight Spouse Network, there are an estimated 2 million mixed orientation couples.

According to the Family Pride Coalition:

•    20 percent of all gay men in America are in a heterosexual marriage.
•    50 percent of all gay men in America have fathered children.
•    40 percent of all lesbians in America are married to a male partner.
•    75 percent of all lesbians have children.

Based on the above statistics, mixed orientation marriages certainly are not unusual. The straight spouse in a mixed orientation is often flooded with fears about the future, infidelity, betrayal, the children (if there are children), and perhaps even concerns that somehow he or she is not good enough. It is very important for the straight spouse to know  that this situation is not his or her fault and more than it is the gay spouse’s “fault” for being gay, lesbian or bisexual. Seeking the guidance of a therapist who specializes in mixed orientation marriages can help both spouses as individuals and as partners make decisions that are best for one another, the marriage and for the children. Sometimes this may mean ending the marriage, and sometimes it means changing the parameters of the marriage. Whatever the end result, therapy is an invaluable resource for coping with this life-changing situation.

Denise Humphrey, Ph.D
Schedule an appointment with Dr. Humphrey today! 972-239-2490

CREDENTIALS
•    Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology:  Fielding Graduate University
•    Master of Music in Piano Performance:  University of Notre Dame
•    Bachelor of Music in Piano Performance:  Southern Methodist University
•    License No. and State: 32345 Texas
•    Board of Trustees, Dallas Foundation for Psychoanalysis
•    Chair, Arts Committee for the Dallas Society for Psychoanalytic Psychology
•    Member, National Register of Health Service Providers in Psychology