Learning to Trust Again

By Denise Humphrey, Ph.D., www.DeniseHumphrey.com

We all bring our own “baggage” to relationships — childhood trauma, disappointments from previous relationships, deeply rooted ideas about gender roles and expectations, as well as subtle and unspoken beliefs about how relationships should look and function. All of this “baggage” can affect our ability to trust, or in the case of someone who has been betrayed or felt betrayed, learn to to trust again.

We require a lot from the people we trust. We expect that person to always be honest, faithful, honor promises, keep confidences and never abandon us. This is a lot to ask and a lot to give. When we choose to trust a another person, we have to accept the reality that people do disappoint. At one point or another both individuals in a relationship will disappoint the other. This may sound like trusting someone is reliant on the other person’s behavior — I will trust you till you mess up! But trust also requires actions on behalf of the person bestowing trust — a willingness to forgive, accept and love that person even when he or she messes up.

Trusting, or rebuilding trust, requires time, patience, unconditional love and forgiveness — sometimes even heroic levels of forgiveness. But as a relationship experiences a rebirth of trust or a deepening of trust, the individuals involved in the relationship also develop a love and intimate connection that often supersedes their previous love. When a couple survives the pain of comprised trust, they learn to love deeper and the willingness to forgive brings an endearment to the relationship that may not have existed previously.

If we give up every time a loved one hurts or disappoints us, the possibility exists that we may also be giving up the opportunity to grow both as a person as well as a couple. When relationships are challenged and trust is compromised, we are given the opportunity to grow as individuals and as couples. Sometimes a betrayal cuts so deeply into the core of a person’s moral code that recovery isn’t possible, but more often forgiveness and a new found trust is possible.

The road to trusting again is paved with challenges, but with the guidance of a professional counselor the journey can bring great rewards.

Denise Humphrey, Ph.D
Schedule an appointment with Dr. Humphrey today! 972-239-2490

CREDENTIALS
•    Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology:  Fielding Graduate University
•    Master of Music in Piano Performance:  University of Notre Dame
•    Bachelor of Music in Piano Performance:  Southern Methodist University
•    License No. and State: 32345 Texas
•    Board of Trustees, Dallas Foundation for Psychoanalysis
•    Chair, Arts Committee for the Dallas Society for Psychoanalytic Psychology
•    Member, National Register of Health Service Providers in Psychology