Understanding Sex Addiction

By Denise Humphrey, Ph.D., www.DeniseHumphrey.com

There has been a lot talk about sex addiction in the news lately — most notably Jesse James and Tiger Woods. What is sex addiction really? Is it a real “disorder” or is it a label men (or women) assume to excuse behavior many people consider inexcusable?

By the standards set for by the American Medical Association, “sex addiction” is not considered a disease. In the simplest terms, sexual addiction is understood as a continuing pattern of compulsive sexual behavior that negatively affects an individual’s personal, social and often economic standing. Behaviors are considered dysfunctional when they interfere with a person’s life. A “continuing pattern” is best understood as an ongoing series of sexual behaviors that include a preoccupation with and the planning of those behaviors. In other words, the sexually addicted person, like all addicts, spends a majority of his or her day contemplating and strategizing how and when to get the next fix. In order for a preoccupation with sex to actually be considered an addiction, the person must have at some point experienced the desire to stop the behavior only to find that the desire was greater than what he or she could control.

Addictions of any kind bring great consequences and pain to the addicted individual as well as to the people who support and love the addicted person. However, sexual addiction brings its own unique emotional torment. Feelings of betrayal, distrust, fear of disease, humiliation, feelings of low self-worth are all only a few of the emotions and feelings a person who has been involved with a sexual addict may feel. The “victims” of the sexual addict may feel as though they were used and that their own feelings were completely disregarded as a means for the addicted person to get a fix. This may or may not be true. The addicted individual still has the same types of sincere feelings, thoughts and emotional needs that are common to all human beings. The sexually addicted person, for whatever reasons, has learned to manage his or her emotions through sexual activity. Just as other addicts manage emotions with food, smoking, spending money, drinking alcohol or taking drugs, sexual addicts use sexual thoughts and behavior to manage their emotions.

Sexual addicts get a quick release from stress and emotional confusion or anxiety, but the behavior has obvious and far-reaching consequences creating added stress in the person’s life, and therefore an added need for sexual behavior to manage the additional stress. The vicious cycle is obvious.

Like all addicts, sexual addicts can get treatment and can be “reformed.” The damage created to the relationships in the lives of these people are not always able to be healed. While it is easy to pass these people off as monsters with no conscious and a lack of concern for the pain and suffering they cause, the reality is they have real addictions that require therapy for recovery. Like with any addiction, a commitment to recovery and a desire for ending the destructive behavior is paramount to implementing lasting change. Sex addicts should get professional treatment and remain in treatment for life. Just as the desire for alcohol or the desire for cigarettes does not go away with abstinence, neither does the desire for sex. The emotions related to those desires must be addressed, understood and dealt with, which often requires a lifelong commitment to recovery.

Denise Humphrey, Ph.D
Schedule an appointment with Dr. Humphrey today! 972-239-2490

CREDENTIALS
•    Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology:  Fielding Graduate University
•    Master of Music in Piano Performance:  University of Notre Dame
•    Bachelor of Music in Piano Performance:  Southern Methodist University
•    License No. and State: 32345 Texas
•    Board of Trustees, Dallas Foundation for Psychoanalysis
•    Chair, Arts Committee for the Dallas Society for Psychoanalytic Psychology
•    Member, National Register of Health Service Providers in Psychology